14/05/09
Hi, the cmc exam went well... Am just hoping I make it this time. But unlike last time, I have wizened up, and have learnt not to expect anything. Let things take their own course. If you are meant to get the seat, nothing can stop you. And if not, nothing you do can help get it. This may make me sound despondent. But this is the reality and the sooner I accept it , the better for me. I don't want to be superstitious, but life does throw up some strange coincidences sometimes that make you believe otherwise.
15/05 1 : 00 PM
Am sitting in the train bound for delhi, tried to read, but it seems impossible to concentrate. There is a small boy about 4 years old travelling with us. Full of energy, and extremely talkative, his enthusiasm and jest for life is infectious and makes me think, that life is more than just about career and money. enjoy the small moments of happiness whenever they come by, you'll end up being more satisfied with life.
15/05 1: 15 PM
What is it about tamil songs that makes even the most tamil-illiterate person enjoy them, I often wonder? Just like any punjabi can make a song of seemingly non-musical words, we have a seemingly tough language arouse immense apeal when made into a song. Maybe its my imagination. hell! Its ok, I don't care if nobody agrees with me....perhaps i am just passing time thinking about this
15/05 1:30 PM
Back on this half yearly pilgrimage, next stop delhi, where I am hoping I go one better than last time and qualify for the practicals. unlike last time, this time a lot of the travelling has not been planned yet, but I don't want to start worrying about that yet and will plan it as and when I get to that point. As a lot of backpackers do, this time around I intend to go round the country without any prior train or bus reservations, but unlike them, for me this will probably mean a lot of expensive air travelling. I Hate spending like this, but this pilgrimage needs me to do this.
16/05
Got here early morning. The metro construction around the area we are staying seems to have put the businesses here out of business. People seem duller, lazier or maybe again just my imagination.
Its election day!!!! Keen to know who wins..
19/05
Who are happy with their lives? I would definitely want to read the mind of a happy man. Perhaps just to know his little secrets to remaining happy. I'm sure happiness doesn't come easily. in its wake there would lie several sacrifices, several compromises and several episodes of ego suppression. And most of all, it would entail a no purposive greed for money. Yep! With all these out of the way, happiness is certainly a thing we can expect. When a person is happy, how long will it last? If this starts to haunt him, then it certainly won't last long. So what's the secret? My guess is follow the same set of rules that you did to make you happy. Don't try to change anything, especially the way you think. I say this is easier said than done. Well!!.... Well said.
20/05
Someone once said "its ok to return emptyhanded, if only the attempt has been true" . Ok, it was me who said it. But Hey, I have to console myself na. As I read the blog I had written around the same time last year and compare myself to that time, I am able to see a difference in my reaction to these unsuccessful attempts at cracking the Dm exam. The same preresult nervousness and anxiety is there, but the depression that used to follow is somehow not there. We are all creatures of habit, guess this is now becoming a habit. But now thinking about my reaction (or the lack of it) I think it maybe that I am insulating myself from the bad news. Incredibly as I write this, I get a phone call from my senior and close friend Vivek that I have qualified for Cmc vellore interviews. I am so surprised at the turn of events that as I make this entry I am at a loss of words to describe how I feel. For the moment till I fully gulp down this bit of happy news, adios.
3 comments:
Why didn't I come across your blog before? you write so well and from the heart, like a born writer. Am so happy I stumbled in here.
thanks for the appreciative words. makes one keen to write on.
Well, I'm back.
Yup, its me again ;-)
Tis been a very long time I know, but life has been quite a story from my side too. Not really been following your blog. Had dropped in a couple of times, but then had nothing to say (I don't watch a lot of movies [been about 5 years since i've seen the inside of a theater]--so couldn't comment on the reviews :-)).
Anyway, excuses apart, congratulations on your success. I'm not a doc so I'm not sure what the `cmc' means, but it sure sounds important! So whatever it is I hope you got through the interview with flying colors (or flying syringes or however you doc guys term it :-)).
Now what drew me to comment was the entry you made on the 19/05 about happiness. I know its a little late, but its a topic close to my heart, so I thought I'd say my two bits :-). Its not a reply for/against your comment or a justification of my p.o.v. Its just been a long time since I've talked about this to someone, so I think it'll help me put my thoughts in order too.
Happiness is such a simple matter, but we make it so complicated. I mean what does one need to be happy? Nothing. Null. Zilch.
Really, isn't happiness just a state of mind? The moment I say that "I need (this) to be happy", I make happiness the result of a desire and if it is unfulfilled, then I'm UNhappy. Life just sucks. And we don't need much of an excuse to be unhappy. Its usually either because things are not how I want them to be or because I need more stuff, or because I need someone in my life to make me happy, or ... the list is endless.
I sometimes sit and look at my life and it just hits me, how lucky I am just to be me. I have a loving family, great friends, good education, great health, enough to eat, decent clothes on my body (OK not everyone agrees on this), a positive cash flow (sometimes), and a roof over my head. Am I not extremenly lucky to be born at this time and place and not as some handicapped/sick/undernourished/underfed/neglected kid in some country under a civil war? In a planet with over 6 billion people, what were the chances of the stork making this one right delivery? OK, that is so, but then, I don't have enough money to buy (this good stuff), or my (these) friends are doing better than me (some may be doing worse, but they don't count, you know), so I have to catch up, or I need that `someone' in my life to come and make me happy or ... You know.
We humans are like computers that have been programmed to seek (desire) more and more. Today we want "this" and when we have it tomorrow, then we need "this+this", and so on.
I'm not very wise, but I like to observe people around me and what I see is that people start to get uneasy when they are happy. Its like, "Oh, I'm feeling happy. OMG, there must be something wrong with me! Maybe I'm losing my ambition/drive. Maybe I'm getting soft. Everyone else is unhappy, how can I feel happy? I need to get out of this state". They LOOK for reasons to make themselves unhappy. And I'm not joking. Just look around you.
When can I be happy then? Does it require a struggle? Does it require me to sacrifice things I want? I don't think so.
Happiness does come easily buddy. The moment we CHOOSE to be happy, we are. There's nothing else to it. There is no "I'll be happy when ....". No. Just choose to be happy. That's it.
But the tragedy of our life (including mine) is that we refuse to choose. Unhappiness is our fate/birthright.
Inspite of knowing it, its difficult to remain aware of it.
Well 'nough said for now. [I almost feel like starting my own blog now ;-)].
Wherever you are, I hope you choose to be happy this moment.
(I'll try to find out soon :-))
Take care.
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